Friday, May 16, 2014

FMF: Unsuccessfully Loving LA – It's Halftime for Addie

It’s hard, you know, seeing all of your friends take your advice and ending up in successful relationships. In the past six months, I have encouraged two of my friends to try out Tinder and both of them resulted in committed relationships. I also encouraged two other friends to give their pursing guys chances and now they’re both in committed relationships… all of which have happened in the past six months while I have had a terrible track record of dating here in LA.

It’s been a long four months since my last date, when I blew through the last of my three men. Not all of them were deserving of my time, but the last one stung for sure.

I’ve learned that people approach relationships differently in LA. They have a mindset that there is always something better out there. This is true with everything about this city – food, music, entertainment, lifestyle, diets, jobs, locations, etc. Everyone is out to find the new and exciting thing first. So, it oftentimes transfers over into their love life. Most guys are non-committal and halfway-dating multiple people. Most girls are playing more than one guy.

People here are busy and not intentional with their time, unless it benefits themselves. I’ve come to the conclusion that people here in LA are, for the most part, just looking out for themselves. I was taught to put other’s before myself, and if I’m looking out for the interest of others (while they’re also looking out for themselves) who is looking out for me?

I’m learning that only I can lookout for myself. I know it sounds stupid, but I have learned that I must look twice before “crossing the road.” Aka, I can no longer be naïve, take people at their word, and I must always be on the lookout for mixed intentions.

Before living in LA, vulnerability and intentionality were on my top 10 list of things that I valued in friendships and blossoming relationships. Now those are the in the top 5 of that list.

People here are different. They’re not all bad, but they’re definitely different than southerners. I think my heart is still in recovery mode from the Holidays. Or maybe it’s just one of those seasons where I’m tired of picking myself up again. Either way, it’s halftime and Addie is taking a break.

I don’t know when I will give love another chance, but it’s definitely not anytime soon.

Until then, keep living and loving, LA!

Xoxo


Addie 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Tinder Confessions: My Tinder Boyfriend

It’s been a while since I wrote a Tinder Tuesday post, but I’m here with some not-so-breaking news. I FOUND A BOYFRIEND. ON TINDER (about three months ago). Sorry for the dramatic all-caps, but who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me.

When I started using Tinder, I figured I’d make up for all the casual dating I never did in college. You know, check out the prospects in the Washington metropolitan area, have a fun fling or two. I was certainly open to the idea of finding a serious relationship on Tinder, but I just didn’t really expect it to actually happen.

I can hardly believe it myself, but here I am, proof of the great flexibility of the app (which has been making the rounds at the Olympics, btw). Is it a hookup app? Yes. Is it a dating app? Yes. Is it a find-me-a-boyfriend app? Yes. I stand by my statement from a few months ago that Tinder is what you make it.

When I met my boyfriend—we’ll call him John—I knew right away things with him were going to be different (in a very good way), so I decided not to blog about him. Because I knew he was special, and I wanted privacy for the relationship to develop without writing some sort of public diary of the whole thing. And I didn’t want him to one day read this blog and think he was just entertainment for my friends and random strangers on the internet.

I will tell you a little bit about him though. Because I just can’t help myself. John is amazing. Calling your significant other amazing is really cliché and overused and just plain annoying (to me anyway), but the word is quite fitting for John. He is amazing. And thoughtful and sweet and incredibly funny. He did a great job with my first un-single Valentine’s Day: flowers and chocolate sent to my office, some cute little Hello Kitty happies (yes, I’m a fan), and a home-cooked dinner prepared while I lounged on the couch in my PJs with a glass of wine while listening to the Pandora station he created just for me. Well done, John.

So there ya have it. A happy ending. I’d like to take a moment to thank Addie, who encouraged me to use Tinder in the first place, and my roommate, who let me in on her Tindering—officially winning me over to the idea of jumping in on the action myself. If you just spent this past Valentine’s Day single and didn’t particularly like it, I’d like to encourage YOU to get on Tinder. Or Match.com or e-harmony or Christian Mingle or OkCupid or whatever floats your boat! Yes, there are some weirdos and some jerks out there, but I promise you there are some winners out there too!




I'm a 20-something Mississippi native now living in our lovely nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. 

I began using Tinder about two months ago. 
Over 16 boys and 19 dates in, I decided I should share my stories. So here we go!

Friday, January 31, 2014

FMF: Don't know what title to give to this

The first red flag came when he started talking to me soon after the photos from the shoot were put on Facebook. The photos of me were beautiful. I think they may be the best photos I have ever taken. They are whimsical, mysterious, and colorful. My hair, makeup and costume look perfect. My eyes are bright blue. There was no doubt in my mind why he was messaging me.

The second flag was that he forgot he had my number. We Facebook messaged back and forth for about two weeks before he realized that he could just text me. This was before and during the Thanksgiving holiday.

Luke was one of the first guys I met in LA back in March, so by November, we were more than just acquaintances. I was even one of four girls at his birthday party back in May. He is the type of guy that most girls would say "why is he even talking to me." 

We continued to text until December 20th, when my wing-woman and I threw a tacky sweater party. He came to the party and stayed until 4am. This was the first time we had seen each other since June. I had bronchitis and was wearing a onesie. He looked dashing in his t-shirt and leather jacket even though the only festive part about his attire was his Santa hat.

We stayed up talking and parted ways after an outing to a diner. He asked me to hang out the following night.

On December 21st we went to a movie, grabbed margaritas and then went back to his place to watch Christmas movies. We held hands, cuddled and then I left at 4am.

We both went home for Christmas and New Years, but we texted every day. All this time, he was initiating conversations. He was traveling until January 7th and asked me out for the night of the 10th.

His client gave him two tickets to the LA Philharmonic Theater. It was a lovely evening with beautiful music. We dressed fancy and enjoyed the others’ company. Later on that night we shared our first kiss. To be quite frank, we had over an hour make-out session. I blame it on the champagne…

The next day, he didn’t talk to me. It wasn’t until I was out with someone else the next evening that I received a text. This was the third red flag.

He continued to initiate conversation via text message on an average of every day until two weeks later when I suggested that we should hang out. He of course obliged and acted as if the thought of us hanging out that weekend had never occurred to him.

That Friday, on January 24th, we cooked dinner at his place and watched a movie. He held my hand and we cuddled a bit before I left at an appropriate time. He walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye.

Earlier that week, Luke asked me if I would consider building a piano shell for one of his clients. I said I would think about it and that I’d like to talk to his client in person before giving an answer. We three went to dinner on January 26th.

The dinner was strictly business. I met them there, and left soon thereafter. Conversations between us the following week was only about the piano.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The reason why I am so specific with dates is because I want the world to see how “slow and steady” doesn’t always win the race. It was over two months of talking before I realized that this wasn’t going to go anywhere.

I desire to be in a committed relationship. But it’s guys like this who give me reason to believe that it’s better to move on and continue dating other people.

In between dates with Luke, I went on three dates with other guys… I have “filled” my time with seeing people who actually want to hang out with me. Nothing speaks more to me than lack of face-to-face time with the person you’re talking to.

If you’re dating long-distance, then you Skype/FaceTime… if you live in the same city, then you try to see each other as often as you can.

Keeping someone on a two-week schedule is not going to fly for very long… It certainly became clear this week.

Luke was interested in me. Now, I am nothing more to him than a “lady-friend.” I say this with confidence because it has been over two months and we've only seen each other five times. If a guy likes me, he would want to see me as much as possible.  

Guys, if you like a girl, TELL HER. If you want to date her, TELL HER. I can’t reiterate the importance of being INTENTIONAL during the first few weeks of talking to someone. Be clear about your intentions… don’t drag it out because you want something from her. And most of all, don’t waste her time. Because she will fall for you and you will not be there to catch her.

Keep dating LA! 

Xoxo

Addie  
 

Friday, January 10, 2014

FMF: 2013 at a Glance and 2014 Priorities

It’s been a long time since I’ve written one of these. Mostly because I’ve been trying to focus on my new life here in LA. Life here has been better than ever. I couldn’t have asked for a smoother transition into this change of pace.

This past year I have taken a break to try to focus on my emotional and spiritual health. Living away from your family, and most everyone who knows you best, gives you an opportunity to re-evaluate your life. I have tried to take this opportunity to say “yes” to every social offer as well as listen to the One who speaks in my life daily.

It is so clear to me that the company I work for is where I’m supposed to be. The people I meet daily are very much part of the reason why I’m here. I’ve tried to take every opportunity with a grain of salt and embrace this world that we call life. Every party, every game, every meeting, dinner, fundraiser, and volunteer-opportunity has been met with open arms. I can proudly say that 2013 will always stand in my mind as the most social year I have had yet. And for what? That, I cannot say. All I know is that I am here for a greater reason than I can comprehend. We all are.  

It’s funny, you know, life in “La La Land.” You run into “celebrities,” attend meetings and events with “a-listers and socialites,” but it has yet to really faze me. I don’t think I was made to worship the ground these people walk on. Don’t get me wrong. What they do is awesome, but what they could do is even more admirable. I’d love to have the opportunity to be as influential as them. Too bad most of them realize their weight too late.  

Along with being social means that I get to meet lots of guys with potential… and a lot without. 2013 was not nearly as high in count with dates as 2012, but I’m still happy with where I left it: 7 first dates (more if you count the seconds & thirds). All of which happened organically. None from online dating and none from the bars. All were from connections here in LA. Which if you play it against the LA dating scene… that’s pretty good. And not to mention my heartbreak from this summer that set me back a bit. In the world of Love, I’d give myself an A-.

Dating also wasn’t my focus this past year. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t keeping my eyes open. The last date I went on was probably my best yet. I haven’t been this excited about a guy in a really long time. The reason being? Well, he’s a really good man. If you’ve ever read my “Future Man Friday // FMF” posts in the past, he’s a guy like the ones I used to write about. However, over the Christmas break we both were traveling and even though we’ve been texting every day, in-person interaction matters more. He returns this week and we will see if there is still a spark.

But guess what? I also have a date with another guy this week! Addie is back J and so is the focus to set roots in love.

Choose this year to change your life… whether it be: your lifestyle, your dating habits, your eating habits, or your work habits. Make something a priority that will change the rest of your life.

My priorities this year (in no specific order) are: God, health, business, heart matters and social. If I can do it, you can do it.

Keep dating, living and loving!

Xoxo,

Addie 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Tinder Confessions: The Ex-Mormon

I’ve met all types on Tinder in D.C. Economists from the BLS, economists from the Fed, defense contractors, fellows at the State Department, chefs… and ex-Mormon lawyers. Ok, so maybe just one ex-Mormon lawyer (how many could there be in this city?).

Patrick’s photos told me he was well traveled, certainly a positive for me since I like traveling as well. But what I didn’t know was that he got his time abroad in by completing his two-year mission as required by the Mormon church. In Sweden, of all places (and now he speaks Swedish! So useful!).

But let me back up for a minute. Patrick and I did very little chatting before we met up, but it seemed to go really well, and I was unconcerned about the date. In fact, it was my second date of the day (the first was an incredibly boring one that’s not even worth blogging about), so maybe I was a little too relaxed and overconfident in my first-date abilities by the time we met up.

He was already waiting for me inside the two-story bar when I arrived, and I thought I’d have no trouble spotting him since it was an uncrowded Sunday night. I walked in and scanned the room, but I couldn’t seem to spot him. I walked upstairs. No Patrick. So I texted him and he came upstairs to meet me.

I can’t imagine what kind of face I made when he greeted me because he was ridiculously good looking. He looked cute in his pictures, but he was way better looking in person. Too good-looking, in fact. I think I had picked up my jaw from the floor by the time we sat down at a table. I immediately became nervous. “Why didn’t I put more thought into my outfit? Why is he even here on a date with me? How did I manage to get a date with THIS guy?”

When the waitress came to get our order, I could just imagine that she was wondering why this guy was out on a date with his best friend’s little sister who had a crush on him. Because that’s exactly how I felt. So out of place. Like a freshman in high school going out with the cutest senior guy in school. Luckily Patrick was a really nice guy, and we actually got along quite well. Clearly no romantic connection, but we didn't run out of things to talk about either. Especially when he mentioned the two years he spent in Sweden. FOR THE MORMON CHURCH. And that’s when things got interesting. Thankfully he was completely unirritated by the bazillion questions I began throwing at him at that point.

He grew up in Utah, attended Brigham Young University, and was totally on track to having his own little Mormon family when doubts about his religion started creeping in. He became an atheist and left the church after graduating from college, and eventually his parents and one of his three other siblings did too. Since I know a grand total of zero Mormons, I have no idea if this is typical. But the fact that his parents left the church after being faithful members for so many years seemed strange to me. Therefore, we spent the rest of the date in a somewhat serious and deep conversation about religion. Not quite what I had expected (or really ever) expect on a first date. Especially one from Tinder.

I walked away from the date deep in thought—a little bit about religion but mostly still dumbfounded that I went on a date with a beautiful ex-Mormon lawyer. Of course, Patrick didn’t ask me out again. But that’s ok. Atheist ex-Mormons aren’t really my thing anyway.  





I'm a 20-something Mississippi native now living in our lovely nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. 

I began using Tinder about two months ago. 
Over 16 boys and 19 dates in, I decided I should share my stories. So here we go!


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Tinder Confessions: I Kissed a Dad, and I Liked It

Is Tinder for the shy? Or the outgoing? Because when you think about it, it’s much less scary to send someone a message on Tinder and get ignored or rejected than to approach someone in real life and get rejected. But what about the actual dates? That’s when the shy have to step up to the plate.

Because so much is lost in digital communication, oftentimes you can’t pick a shy one until you actually meet them. And that’s exactly what happened with Graham, a cute 31-year-old chef, who—of all things—invited me to a charity event as a first date. As a head chef/restaurant manager, his free time was scarce, and the event happened to be a convenient time and location for me as well. The catch was that I’d spend much of my time at the cookoff wandering around on my own since he’d be busy judging. But there would be free food and booze, so I decided I could manage.

It became clear pretty quickly that Graham was not an outgoing guy. It wasn’t that he was unlikeable, but he was pretty quiet. Luckily we had a little time to talk before the event got started and I was left on my own. I was certainly a little nervous at the beginning since we were having a first date/first conversation intermittently interrupted by casual minglers—to whom I was introduced as a friend (talk about weird).

Once the event was in full swing, I was only able to talk with Graham for 5-minute spurts of time here and there. The open bar definitely helped me feel less awkward as I floated around on my own, but I could only hang solo for so long. Because the event was completely dominated by people in their 40s and up, I found myself chatting with pretty much the only other young person there. We somewhat informally paired off for the rest of the evening while Graham was busy. I was happy to have found a partner and felt significantly less awkward sipping on my wine while I watched the chefs in action. However, I ran into trouble when it came to saying goodbye: My new friend apparently didn’t get the friend memo. I even told him I was there with Graham! But that didn’t stop him from asking for my number. I wasn’t quite sure what to say, so in order to save myself from the awkward, I just gave it to him.

I quickly said goodbye and found my way over to where Graham was saying his goodbyes. We decided to head to a bar next door so we could actually sit down and get to know each other. Luckily he was a little more chatty since he’d taken advantage of the open bar as well during the cookoff. As we talked, things seemed to be going really well. He even kissed me at the bar! But once again, I ran into trouble…

Graham agreed to give me a ride home instead of making me take the metro—for which I was really grateful since it was getting late. But when we got to the car, there was a child’s car seat in the back! Graham was a dad! He had a baby in one of his Tinder pictures, but I didn’t think much of it since most of the time those kids are just nieces or nephews. Plus, it never came up in conversation.

So I asked what happened. Graham’s ex-wife cheated on him. She knew he wanted kids, so in an effort to keep him from leaving, she got pregnant. However, things didn’t work out, and in the end, they divorced. After my initial split-second freakout over the dad thing and hearing his story, I decided I wasn't actually that bothered. It was only one date, and it was a good date. Plus, the baby didn’t live with him full-time, and he was completely crazy about the kid—still a great dad, regardless of the divorce.

When he dropped me off, he said it was “nice to meet” me (code for “we’re not going to hang out again”—in my opinion). I am pretty sure I looked somewhat surprised as he said it because he quickly followed up saying that we should hang out again soon. But dear old dad never got back to me. I texted him the next week to see how he was. “Busy.” And that was the last of him. Oh well. His loss. Never let a Tinder rejection get you down because, as the app proves, there are always plenty of other options out there.




I'm a 20-something Mississippi native now living in our lovely nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. 

I began using Tinder about two months ago. 
Over 16 boys and 19 dates in, I decided I should share my stories. So here we go!



Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Tinder Confessions: Thanksgiving Edition

While my previous posts are from a few months ago, I thought I’d change it up for a special Thanksgiving date I went on recently. You read that right: a Thanksgiving date.

I got a most unusual Tinder message a few days ago:



I was initially hesitant since I had thrilling plans for Saturday like going to the gym, doing laundry and returning a cardigan to Target. Potential Friendsgiving negatives? A super awkward date at a party with strangers, who could also potentially be weird or awkward or boring. And unlike meeting for drinks—the standard first date—there’s a much longer time commitment. Guaranteed positives? Free food and sweatpants. Plus he offered to pick me up. Even easier. After consulting a few friends I decided to just go with it. (side note: I found out later this was actually his very first Tinder date!)

He picked me up, crockpot of green bean casserole, dessert, and beer ready to go in the back. Clean car. Safe driving. Non-awkward conversation. Everything was looking up.

Then we arrived at the party, and a small wave of panic hit me as I walked in: I was the weirdo from the internet at a random stranger’s party. And this was not a large party, mind you. There were maybe 10 or so people there at the beginning (and around 20 by the end). No escaping or blending in. I got a strange look or two as we walked in, and then I was introduced as the girl from Tinder. To my relief, everyone thought it was funny. A friendly girl offered me a Pilgrim party hat and a glass of wine, and we started chatting away about her experience with some other dating app called Hinge (which I’d never heard of).

Everyone was so nice! And easy to talk to. I almost always hate mingling at parties where I don’t know many people (or no one at all!), but I quickly realized that I actually got along quite well with this group. In fact, being the girl from Tinder became a great conversation starter whenever people asked how I knew my date—we’ll call him Paul. “You’re here with Paul? How did you meet?” “Oh, we met about an hour and a half ago when he picked me up for the party.” Definitely an intriguing start to a conversation. I’d also like to take this moment to dish out a little piece of advice on making friends with fellow females: Compliment and/or ask her about her hair. “Do you use a wand or a curling iron? I love your hair!” I ask out of genuine curiosity (because I’ve always been a curling iron kinda girl but have considered trying out a wand), but I’ve found it’s a great conversation starter, almost like a pickup line for making friends. And most girls, including myself, can go on and on about hair. Seriously, try it sometime.

But back to Friendsgiving…

Everyone finally arrived, and the food was all ready to go. We feasted, we lounged, and then someone mentioned some crazy game called Slap the Bag. Apparently it’s a Midwestern drinking game staple (everyone was from the Midwest) but totally foreign to me. It’s very simple: Someone holds a bag of wine while someone else slaps the bag and then chugs the wine for however long they please. Not exactly a “game,” but, of course, since I’d never “played,” they insisted I try it out. I was not disappointed. In fact, I highly recommend it. Who doesn’t want to slap a massive bag of wine and then chug it while being cheered on by a room of newly acquired friends wearing Native American feathered headbands and Pilgrim hats? Definitely the best way to enjoy top-notch bagged wine. Paul was even thoughtful enough to record this important milestone on my own phone so I can relive the moment whenever I want.

After a few more slaps, they broke out the beer pong table. I continued bonding with my new friends on the sidelines and even exchanged numbers with one girl before Paul and I took our turn at beer pong. It was not a pretty game for us. But it didn’t matter (because everyone’s a winner in beer pong, right?). It was getting late. We’d been drinking for nearly 7 hours and this point, and eventually Paul and I ended up making out in the kitchen (oops?).

All in all, it was a great Friendsgiving. Will I see Paul again? Who knows. But I do have plans to hang out with some of my other new friends after Thanksgiving. I’d call that a win!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 


I'm a 20-something Mississippi native now living in our lovely nation’s capital, Washington, D.C. 
I began using Tinder about two months ago. 
Over 16 boys and 19 dates in, I decided I should share my stories. So here we go!