I recently went on a date with someone who I met outside of the online dating world. We met through mutual friends who said that they thought we’d be a good match. At the time of our introduction, he never asked for my number and I just assumed he wasn’t interested.
But, a few months later he asked me out. What was his way of doing it you might ask? Over… facebook. I don’t know how I feel about that, but since we didn’t run in the same circle of friends I figured I could let it slide this time.
Before our date, we exchanged numbers over facebook and he called me several times—each time asking very intentional questions to get to know me a little bit better. This I found to be interesting since all of my other dates have involved very superficial conversations before the actual date itself.
The date was actually quite nice and probably one of the best dates I have been on since I started dating again. We went to La Duni’s for dinner, Chocolate Secrets for desert and wine and then to the Kessler Theater for music, where a 17-piece Jazz band was playing. Later we then went back to my apartment to chat and afterwards went out to meet up with some friends at the Katy Trail Ice House. At the bar he got to meet my brother and a few of my friends. By the time our date ended, it was 2 am—which means that we had a 6.5 hour date!
Now here’s the kicker. Our topic of conversation for the night was heavy—too heavy. It was the type of conversation that involves wanting to vent or perhaps hoping to get emotional support.
When this type of weighted conversation normally happens, the person doing the talking is normally hoping that you’re willing and able to help them carry their load and make it lighter.
You might defend him here and say, “Isn’t that what dating is about?” Sharing life with someone… carrying them when they need to be carried and them returning the favor when you can’t hold yourself up? Sure, but, not the first date. The first date, and in fact the first few dates, are not meant to be a place where your check your baggage.
Yes, we all have baggage, but on the first few dates, it’s all about how we handle it and where we keep it.