SW Post: Dating Smart

I recently wrote another post for Singles Warehouse. To read this on their website, click here.

Dating Smart: How to Date Online Safely 

When I first started dating online, I didn’t know how to do it the safe way. I shared way too much information about myself and I paid a price for doing that.

Before I reached my first month of dating online, I had already received a stalker. This wasn’t your average stalker because we never exchanged names, contact information or any information at all that could link my dating profile to my actual self in Dallas. My stalker found not one, but two of my personal email accounts, and my personal blog (not Addie’s). He proceeded to email me at both accounts, add me on Facebook, Skype, LinkedIn, Pinterest—anything that had my name connected with it.

The emails he sent were contentious, narcissistic and a tad bit scary. He made comments about how he “missed me,” and asked if he could call me at my “-**36” number—which by the way, is my cell phone number.

This guy, whoever he is, is not your average Joe, and he is still out there. He’s just not messing with me anymore.

One mistake that he made while sending multiple emails to my personal email account was to remember to make his IP address untraceable. He did accomplish to make 4/5 emails untraceable, but because he forgot one, I had gained the edge I needed to scare him off for good.

Needless to say, I learned my lesson. Since then, I have changed so many things regarding my interaction online and my privacy. Below I have listed some of my rules as references for you to help you date smart online!

Before you get online:

• Set up a third-party email address for your online dating profile—make sure the email address does not have your name, address, or any personal information associated with it

While dating online:

• Don’t include anything in your profile or username that could identify you

• Don’t place your full name or even first name on your profile

• Research any prospective dates

• Do not include anything in your profile that could link your dating profile to your personal life

• Always, block/report anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable!

For your first date:

• Always meet in a public place

• Always tell someone where you are going and with who. Maybe even consider showing that person a picture of who you are meeting

• Always carry your cell phone

• Don’t drink too much

• Keep an eye on your food, drinks and if you’re a girl, keep an eye on your purse!

• Do not accept a ride from your date

Always date smart—whether online or off. Trust your gut, and if something seems odd, inquire into them or avoid them because you never want to put yourself at risk! 

Update Re: The Pastor

So, I wanted to share with you all a little update on the Pastor. If you don't know who he is, you should read my first and second blog posts about him.

Remember how I said that I decided to respond to his 3 week late email, short, sweet and sassy-like. I had also said that I wanted him to know that I had assumed he wasn't interested because it took him so long to respond. I was worried that I might hurt his feelings, but he needed to know the truth and that most girls wouldn't have responded to his 3 week belated response. 

Anyways, he responds with two emails: one email asked if he could take me out to dinner. I responded with my cell phone number and told him that I was looking forward to hear from him. But, I never did hear from him, and I don’t think he’s going to make the effort.

All in all, here's what I learned:

Just because a person has a specific occupation (ahem, a Pastor), it doesn’t make them any different than the person next to them. Even if that person has a fantastic resume, if the rest isn’t there: courage, confidence, respect, etc., it’s not going to be worth it in the long run.

Also, rejection, in any form, can be such a good thing! This was the first guy to reject me through online dating and the first guy to reject me since my dating hiatus. So it's a great thing to wrestle through, but, that’s another topic for another day!

Second Post as a #SWExpert

Here is my second Post on Singles Warehouse. To read it on their website, click here.

Seven Online Dating Myths Debunked

When I first started dating online, I would receive so many comments regarding my decision. The most common one was: “You’re cute, 23 and could pick up anyone in a bar. Why date online?”

The truth is that I wanted to be more selective about who I dated. I was tired of the night life scene and tired of being set up with people who I was not compatible with. Online dating is great at allowing you to be more selective.

The only problem is that people, especially in the south, seem to give stereotypes to people who date online.

Below are a few of the topics that I’ve had to discuss with friends and family regarding my decision to date online. I hope they help you to choose to either continue on your dating journey or have the courage to give it a try for yourself.

Myth #1: Online dating is for _______ people

According to Statistic Brain there are 50 million single people in the US. 40 million of those have tried online dating. How many of those 40 million do you think compare to the word you placed above?  Not many. You can’t say that everyone is desperate, a liar, a psycho, or a loser. You can’t say that they aren’t attractive. You can’t say that there isn’t anyone your age, or anyone who has the same interests as you because 40 million people cannot fit into the same classification.

Just like you consider yourself unique and against the mold of stereotypes—online daters do as well. Remember that with 40 million singles out there who have tried online dating, chances are you might know a few of them. Don’t knock it until you try it.

Myth #2: Everyone lies online

I will be the first to say that online dating profiles are an idealized version of ourselves. But what is your profile picture on facebook other than the photo that you think you look the best in. Yes, it’s easy to lie online. But that doesn’t just happen in the online world. How many people lie to your face every day?

We all are imperfect people…online and off.

Myth #3: There is no one who shares my interests

This is something that I’m going to have to disagree with. Not everyone shares the same interests as I me, but there are a few out there who do. The nice thing is that you are able to fill out interest specifications in your own profile and then do searches for a significant other based on location, age, personality, lifestyle, values, religion, etc.

Myth #4: Everyone who uses online dating is looking for a serious relationship

I can’t tell you how many people I have talked to about this. About half of online daters are on there for making new connections or just looking to date. The rest are looking for serious relationships … and probably only a small percentage of those also want to get married soon.

Myth #5: It’s too expensive

Some sites are, in my opinion, too expensive. But, before you sign up and pay their fees, I would recommend trying a free online dating site, just to make sure you want to pay for the bigger and more selective sites. There are plenty of free sites out there, just remember that their selection is going to be different than the sites that people actually pay for.

Myth #6: It’s embarrassing to say you met your significant other online

It’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing. Just think about how many other embarrassing ways there are to meet your significant other. Meeting your significant other online through a dating website or through social media is becoming more and more popular and the stigma is dramatically decreasing.

Myth #7: Online Dating Is Dangerous

I wouldn’t say that online dating is dangerous, but you still need to be wary of who is out there. A few months ago I had a stalker from online dating. Yes, I was stupid and gave away too much information, and he took advantage of that information to gain more. Now I am more cautious about what I share with members and who I meet up with.

The best advice I can give you is when you look at your profile: What gives you away? Do you mention your Company’s name or where you like to go out at night? Do you mention where you work out? Do you give your full name?

I do not mention any of the above. And I hardly ever give names anymore over emails with guys. The other suggestion I can give is make rules for yourself and the people you date, and stick with them!

So, there you go. My version of online dating myths debunked. If you have any more questions regarding why or why not to give online dating a try, email me at anonymouslydating@gmail.com

-Addie