For the Engaged

I have decided today to rant on about how inappropriate it is for a guy, who is engaged, to be texting his ex-girlfriend (me) two weeks prior to his wedding.

I probably should back up here a bit to tell my point.

James, a photographer, and I dated a while ago, off and on for almost a year and a half during university. The reason why it was off and on? Well, it was long distance and about six months into dating him, I found out he had someone else on the side—me. I was the “other girl,” and he had an “official” girlfriend at the university that he was attending. I was just the girl he would get together with when we would both go home for breaks, and whom he would text every day, and talk to every night on the phone.

He broke it off with her and him and I continued to date even though I knew better. It took longer for me to end it with him (8 months later) because of the emotional bond I had built with him. But once my friends intervened, I broke the habit of him and I swore to never go back. And I haven’t.

However, since the beginning of last year, he has contacted me and apologized numerous of times in hopes of regaining a friendship. Always saying that he regrets a lot about how he led me and his interaction with me, but then he defends his actions by saying that he thought he was going to marry me. 

He stopped contacting me soon after he started dating his now fiancé until one day last summer when he discovered through a mutual friend that I sometimes model for my friends to help them with their portfolio.

I've only done it about five times, and it’s always flattering to be asked to do a photo shoot with someone for their portfolio, but with an ex-boyfriend?

I've been able to put off doing a photo shoot with him since last summer, but I caved recently. I can only say “no” so many times. This weekend we’re supposed to get together before I take him to the airport, which is two weekends before his wedding.

I haven’t seen him since we broke up in 2008. I trust myself but I do not trust him. Is the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater,” still relevant today?

All I know is that:

1. I do not want to be the “other girl” ever again
2. I do not want my fiancé texting his ex-girlfriends to hang out two weeks before our wedding—even if it is to help his portfolio
3. I’m going to carry Mace in my purse—where does one buy Mace?

The Past Can Haunt You, In A Good Way

I was going to try to tell our story in a way that would keep mine (and his) identity anonymous, but every scenario I tried to put our story into made it sound worse than it actually was, so this my friends is my first unedited, uncensored story.

A few years ago I was working at a summer camp during college break. This camp, is unlike any other camp… it’s nicknamed “a piece of heaven on earth” for a reason. It’s different, unique and it holds a special place in my heart. I worked there for a total of five summers, one of which this story resides in.

It was the summer of 2009, I was 20, and I had received two leadership positions at camp: coordinating a group of girl cabins for one month and being the kitchen director’s assistant the next. During the last month, as kitchen assistant, I was assigned to a girls cabin and a boys cabin that I hung out with during my free time. The girls cabin and I bonded pretty quickly, but the boys cabin was unlike any other guy cabin I had been assigned to.

This cabin was the oldest guy cabin in camp. It had two guy counselors that I was friends with, and twelve, 17 year old boys, two of which were nominated by the guys side of camp the year previously to lead the whole guys side of camp in competitions. How the guys love competition at camp!

One day when I was with the guy cabin, the counselors decided to make up a competition for the cabin: it was, who, out of all the campers in the cabin, could win my heart and take me on a “walk” (which is considered a camp date).

And so the competition began. It started with all of the guys attempting to ask me out. Then it trickled down to just two campers: Johnny and Barrett (Barrett was one of the guys who were nominated to lead the guys’ side of camp).

Johnny and  Barrett became professional pursuers quickly. They wrote me letters, asked me on a walk in person, asked me on a canoe ride—multiple times a week (sometimes multiple times a day!). Camp goes on for 26 days… So, I was showered with attention and affection for almost every one of those 26 days.

Barrett, started to slowly take the lead of the pursuit because he gave me a heart-shaped mold, gave me his rain jacket, and a t-shirt that said “I ♥  Barrett” on the front.

On the last day of camp,  Barrett walks into the dining hall wearing a shirt that he made for me. On the front it said, “I ♥ Addie” and on the back it said “Addie, will you go on a walk with me?” Below this it had two yes boxes for me to check. And when he offered me a sharpie to mark next to one of the yes’, I made a small box, checked it, and wrote “maybe next year.”

People who witnessed the interaction between the two leading competitors and I, say that  Barrett won my heart multiple times over.

I tell you this story because recently  Barrett came back into my life. My little sister went to camp this summer and as I was helping her pack, I came across the t-shirt he made for me. A few weeks later he tells me that he was on staff at camp this summer. I went to camp to pick up my sister and I was able to see him in person. Oh, how he has changed! And for the better!

I decided to write him a silly letter before I got there and told him that he had to respond! A few letters later we exchanged numbers.

As of now, we are friends. But, I’d be lying if I said that memories of the summer of 2009 didn’t run through my head this summer. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t succeed in wooing me. And I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t have an innocent cougar crush, because I think I crossed that bridge a few weeks ago when I saw him.

Even if things stayed the same with him and I, I would be happy, only because I know that the lesson he taught me was priceless. I know I need to be patient and wait for a guy who pursues me like he did.

Barrett pursued me unlike any other guy has ever done before. And through that he taught me something that I needed to learn: I was worth it. I was worth a guy bending over backwards to pursue me relentlessly, even if in the end, he won the competition, but not the date.

I need to wait for a guy who, in his words, “desperately pursues” me. Because, I am worth it. And so are you.

Wait for the guy who desperately pursues you. Don’t throw yourself to the first guy who comes your way. You will be so much happier in the long run.

Song of Solomon 2:7

 To read this story and others like it, click here. 

New SW Post! #SWExpert

Hey Everyone!

I have a new post up on Singles Warehouse! To read it, click here.